Polyvagal Informed Parenting

Applying the principles of Polyvagal Theory to parenting is substantially beneficial and empowering. 

The basis for this is that since Polyvagal Theory explains how our physiology responds in response to internal and external cues and stimuli, by embodying this understanding and the related principles in any domain of life, including parenting, we are able to work with our physiology.  As described above, whether or not we choose to acknowledge and understand these processes, they are continuously occurring.  By not embodying these principles we are, effectively, taking the chance that we may react or respond in a skillful and effective fashion.  In contrast, by fully embracing and implementing the polyvagal informed skills and strategies, we provide ourselves the greatest likelihood for performing in our role as humans and parents in the best possible fashion.  In addition these principles apply equally to those around us, including our children.  Recognizing and working with their physiology provides the best opportunity to develop connection with our children and optimize our ability to co-regulate them.

In addition to applying the polyvagal informed practices to ourselves, there are additional considerations in applying these skills and strategies to our parenting. It is important to recognize that just as the resilience of our nervous system is not determined by a lack of dysregulation, the relationships we have, including with our children, is not defined by a lack of conflict or rupture.  Rather, our relationships are better evaluated on the ability to rapidly and effectively repair any ruptures or conflicts which arise.  As we are all human, we will not always respond, react, and behave in the fashion we hope to.  There will be instances, including in our parenting, where we will behave suboptimally.  The recognition that, firstly, we are human and this is not abnormal or unexpected in combination with the acknowledgement that when this occurs, it the ensuing process of repair that is most important and the determinant of the resilience and quality of our relationship can provide substantial freedom and empowerment.

Application of Polyvagal Theory to parenting begins by accepting our physiological state, wherever it may be, as well as that of our child in the present moment.  It is important that this acknowledgement be without judgement or blame.  It is also helpful to recognize that our physiological states, as well as that of our child, can shift and change continuously in response to cues in the internal and external environment.  This makes our, and our child’s, physiological states dynamic in nature.  In addition, we can use the features of our own actions, behaviors, and physiology and that of our child as useful information to determine the current physiological state.  This is also done without criticism or judgement.  For instance, aggressive or attacking behavior should be seen as a reflection of physiological state, indicating that the individual feels under threat, rather than a conscious and deliberate decision.  Specifically, a child who has a tantrum in the grocery store is reflecting a sympathetic physiological state rather than an intent to cause commotion in the public place.  It is important to note that this understanding does not excuse poor behavior, rather it provides a useful explanation for it.

A polyvagal informed perspective to parenting will recognize that children, particularly when young, are not able to effectively and consistently self-regulate. 

Rather they rely upon their caregivers for co-regulation.  Through the process of providing cues of safety, thereby allowing for co-regulation, the child develops over time the ability to self-regulate.  In order to effectively co-regulate, it is important for the caregiver to shift their physiological state towards a ventral vagal predominant state.  This will result in the characteristic features of this physiology, thereby providing cues of safety to the child.  We are not able to project cues of safety and connection if we do not actually feel safe and connected.  It is not possible to fake this feeling.  The question then becomes, particularly in the midst of a challenging situation, for example the public tantrum, how do we shift our physiology to feel safe to be able to co-regulate.

The ability to find cues of safety in the midst of high demand and stressful situations results from two important skills.  The first is the ability to recognize without judgement our own physiological state.  The second is to employ skills and strategies that will shift our physiology in the desired direction.  For instance, during the public tantrum we may recognize that we are shifting into a sympathetic state.  Upon this identification, we can then turn to skills such as breathing, relaxation of facial muscles and posture, use of voice, relaxing our jaw, and finding cues of safety in our internal and external environment to help shift our physiology towards a ventral vagal state.  As we accomplish this, we will be able to co-regulate our child.  These skills are complex and require intentional and deliberate practice in order to develop a level of proficiency.

From the polyvagal informed perspective, it is important to remove cues of uncertainty, risk, and threat to the greatest extent possible from our child’s environment.  Of course, it is not possible to completely remove these potential cues.  For this reason it becomes important to recognize that when a child neurocepts such cues, there will be a predictable physiological shift which will then result in behaviors that can be anticipated.  Maintaining the greatest degree of consistency in parenting is important so that the child is able to predict responses and reactions.  Uncertainty can be a significant cue leading to mobilization towards sympathetic states.  In addition, consequences for behaviors should be carefully considered and chosen so as to avoid introduction of additional cues of uncertainty, risk, and threat.

Continue to follow @Parentsuitcase on Instagram and Pinterest and a special thank you to our collaborative expert content contributor Dr. Davidson MD, MHSC, FRSCS

#polyvagaltheory #positiveparenting #peacefulparenting #polyvagal #polyvagalparenting

Parenting & Childhood Illness Prevention

I read an article this morning from WSJ about the the current viral surge that has parents, providers, children, and schools scrambling for solutions. What are some of the various concerns that parents are reporting:

• Lack of paid time off / flexibility to take off for family illness; roughly 104,000 Americans missed work due to child care issues in October, the highest number on record by the Bureau of Labor Statistics since 1994.*

• Lack of backup care

• Concerns about COVID-19

• Missing out on in-person school instruction

Parents have experienced their ample share of challenges and work cancellations over the past 2-3 years as a result of the pandemic. Not only are parents navigating school safety concerns, they are also doing their best to optimize family wellbeing by adopting preventive health measures to ensure that all family members are as healthy as possible. As parents who are already dealing with significant family / work / household stressors, what precautions can we take to help mitigate & prevent the spread of illnesses?

Practicing hand hygiene skills with frequent handwashing at home: 

According to CDC, keeping hands clean with handwashing can help to prevent 1 in 3 diarrheal illnesses and 1 in 5 respiratory illnesses.**

Here are some key opportunities to wash hands**: 

1. Before & after food preparation and eating

2. Washing before & after caring for a friend / loved one that is ill

3. Before & after wound care- cuts, scrapes, or other more involved wound care.

4. After using the restroom and / or changing a soiled diaper

5. After blowing your nose, coughing, or sneezing- this is a great habit to cultivate at home in order to strengthen that practice at school.

6. After touching animals, handling pet food, or animal excrement

7. After handling garbage and waste materials

I have been reading a lot of articles and social media posts on respiratory illnesses lately, in particular respiratory syncytial virus (RSV). RSV typically circulates during colder months and into early spring. Here in the U.S., roughly 58,000-80,000 kiddos <5yr old are hospitalized to due RSV.*** In infants & young kiddos, the following categories are considered higher risk for severe illness from RSV:***

-Infants, especially those <6 months of age, kiddos born prematurely.
-Children <2 years old with chronic lung disease (like asthma), congenital heart conditions
-Children with weakened immune systems
-Children with neuromuscular conditions: the weakened respiratory muscles can make it difficult to clear mucus

Similar to the prevention tips above, practicing optimal hand hygiene plays a big role in mitigating the spread along with staying home when feeling sick, covering coughs / sneezes (along with subsequent handwashing), abstaining from smoking around children, avoiding utensil & cup sharing, etc. RSV can live on outside of the body for several hours, therefore keeping high-contact surfaces clean (i.e. doorknobs, toys, countertops, appliance handles, etc.) can help to decrease viral contamination.

What else contributes to overall optimal health? SLEEP!

Optimizing our sleep hygiene- sleep is a crucial part of our own wellbeing and overall function. Children and adolescents who lack enough sleep are at higher risk for obesity, type 2 diabetes, poor mental health and attention/ behavioral issues.** It can also impact their academic performance due to lack of attention. ‍

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends the following: 

Children ages 6–12 years: 9 - 12 hours per 24 hours

For 13–18 years of age: 8 - 10 hours per 24 hours

What else can we do to optimize our sleep health? Avoiding blue light exposure before bed- everyone has different opinions on the specific amount of time before bed (I personally try to avoid it at least 1 hour before bedtime). Keep you room cool, dark, and quiet like a cave- this is something I learned from Dr. Shelby Harris on Instagram. Some other things we can do before bedtime: read a paperback book, avoid alcohol at least 4 hours before bed, and avoid caffeine roughly 6 hours before bedtime.

‍Staying up-to-date with preventive health measures as advised by your healthcare team. If you have any specific questions on vaccines, please connect with your healthcare team to discuss. If you want more information on immunization schedules per CDC, check out: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/

Eating nutrient-dense foods and healthy options as much as possible. During high holiday season, a lot of our celebrations & gatherings include meal preparation, leftovers, and (most likely) LOTS of sweet treats and desserts. I am not a nutritionist, but I do know that balance is key! Here are some ways to eat healthy while also on a budget: 

Batch you meals and plan your recipes based on seasonal ingredients, budget, and availability. What can you buy that is local, easy to store, and cost-effective? Be creative when making your own recipes and keep it simple. One of my favorite places to search for recipes is Epicurious.

Look at labels: do you notice any words or preservatives that you are unfamiliar with? You can do some investigating and look them up online by searching for reputable sources. You'd be surprised at how many prepared foods & condiments have unfamiliar preservatives, gums, and additives.

Limit added sugars when possible- what other options can you add for sweetness? Berries and other fruits are great alternatives.

Think about fiber intake! Fiber is so important for digestive / bowel health. What can you integrate into family meals? Consider beans, grains (like bulgur, barley, and oat bran), broccoli, carrots, green peas, apples, etc. There are lots of healthy options!

Maintaining some sort of physical activity on a routine basis: (before doing any exercises, please consult your healthcare team to determine what is safe, effective, and advised for you!)

Personally, I prefer to diversify my physical activity in order to keep it fun and the variety allows me to target different muscles groups. Here are some of my favorite exercise activities along with a brief summary of what they entail: 

HIIT workouts: this exercise is a form of interval training which involves quick bursts of high-intensity exercise with intermittent intervals of rest / lower intensity exercise. I tend to integrate at least 5-15 minutes of HIIT exercise into my cardio routines.

Kettlebell workouts: this piece of equipment looks like a bell and varies in heaviness. Integrating kettlebell exercises into your workouts can help to strengthen your core, increase overall strength, and increase power endurance.

Barre workouts: a great way to improve posture and alignment, lean & tone muscles, and to improve balance. This is one of my absolute favorites and it's an exercise routine that I find truly humbling! Barre classes are generally lower dumbbell weights and higher repetitions.

Treadmill: a great one for cardiac health and pretty self-explanatory. You can walk, increase the incline to boost your heart rate, or can vary the speed and intensity as you prefer. I’ve seen a lot of social media posts on the “12-3-30” Walking Treadmill Routine which is described as an effective way to strengthen muscles as well as providing cardiovascular health benefits. As a reminder: before starting any workout, it is important to consult your healthcare provider to see what routines are best suited for you.

Rowing machine: total body workout that also allows you some time to practice meditation as it is (or can be) a repetitive motion activity. If you are looking to obtain a full body workout, it's a nice alternative to using a treadmill or an elliptical and it's great for all fitness levels.

Limiting snack sharing / sharing of drinks if and when possible. 

This can be a tricky one for kids! In order to reduce the spread of illnesses, try to be mindful of snack sharing and discuss the rationale for doing so at home. As mentioned above, continuing to practice regular hand hygiene also helps to mitigate the spread of illnesses.

Staying home when we are sick

This is a BIG one. I know that it can be difficult to miss a work day if either you or your child(ren) is sick. In order to prevent illnesses from spreading, it's important to maintain good hand hygiene and to stay home when you are not feeling well. Check with your employer about their sick leave policies and flexible work options in the event of personal / family illness. CDC has some great resources on how to handle Influenza as an Employee

We can also practice some stress reduction measures in order to keep our stress levels low (which can also benefit our immune systems). This practice looks different for everyone!  

What other ways can you think of to prevent the spread of illnesses?

Follow Parent Suitcase: Your resource hub for parental wellbeing, parent advocacy, and resources for parents & families. You can find more resources at Parentsuitcase.com and also on @parentsuitcase on IG and Pinterest

All sources are linked & referenced above in order:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-sick-is-too-sick-for-school-rsv-flu-and-colds-strain-parents-and-school-nurses-11668999005

https://www.cdc.gov/handwashing/

https://www.cdc.gov/rsv/references.html#factsheet

https://www.cdc.gov/rsv/downloads/RSV-in-Infants-and-Young-Children.pdf

https://www.cdc.gov/flu/prevent/vaccinations.htm

https://www.cdc.gov/diabetes/healthy-eating-budget.html

https://www.prevention.com/fitness/workouts/a39584587/12-3-30-workout/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=arb_ga_pre_md_pmx_us_urlx&gclid=CjwKCAiAmuKbBhA2EiwAxQnt70mNPFAKgPJzzD5WRDCBgCcCUl9pSCiZJa-ALu74upSA7c8UoeNf-RoCl3gQAvD_BwE

https://www.cdc.gov/flu/business/stay-home-when-sick.htm

#childhoodillness #familyhealth #familywellness #healthykid #healthyparents #healthykidscommunity #healthyparenting #parentalburnout #childillness #parenthealth #burnout 

Disclaimer: The information on this platform is not intended or implied to be a substitute for personal professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All platform content including text, graphics, images, and information is for general information purposes only & does not replace clinical consultation with your own doctor/mental health professional.

The Importance of Community: Part II

Would you consider a disrupted support system to be a risk factor for postpartum depression?

One of the (many) reasons why community support for parents is so vital…MENTAL WELL-BEING!

In an ideal (frankly realistic!) world, postpartum parents would receive additional external support & extended time off granted for postpartum recovery following the birth of their child(ren). Over the past 2.5 years, support systems have drastically shape-shifted to navigate unpredictable circumstances due to CV-19, leaving many without reliable backup newborn support / childcare, household support, local support, etc.

We have all read & seen statistics on both postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety covered on social media. According to various bodies of research, anywhere from 1 in 7-10 women will experience postpartum depression following birth.(1) It’s also been estimated that approximately 50% of mothers with postpartum depression are not diagnosed by a healthcare professional. (1)

Whether your friend, neighbor, or a beloved family member has postpartum depression OR is exhibiting a change in mood or behavior, one of the most important things to do during that period of time is to demonstrate support, encouragement, and to be nonjudgmental. It can be very difficult for people to reach out if they feel like they are being judged either silently or outright.

What are some of my favorite resources for parents who are struggling to find community and / or may be looking fo additional therapeutic support?

Here are 5 resources to utilize if you or someone you know needs additional support as a postpartum parent:

1. Postpartum Support International: https://www.postpartum.net

   PSI HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773 #1 En Español or #2 English

   Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN), text en Español: 971-203-7773

2. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: if you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org

3. National Alliance on Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org/help

   NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET.
   Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email us at helpline@nami.org

4. Perinatal Support Washington: https://perinatalsupport.org

   Need help? Call or text our toll free peer support line (se habla español).

   1-888-404-7763

5. The Family Help Line: http://www.parenttrust.org/for-families/call-fhl/ Call: 1-800-932-HOPE (4673) in Washington State
   

It’s not just therapy that is the answer here. It’s adequate resourcing, accessibility, equity, and feeling like you are DESERVING of support.
If you or someone you care about is experiencing concerning symptoms, please connect with a licensed mental health professional or healthcare professional to discuss in more detail.

Follow @Parentsuitcase on Instagram and Pinterest

Disclaimer: The information on this platform is not intended or implied to be a substitute for personal professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All Parent Suitcase website & Parent Suitcase social media platform content including text, graphics, images, and information is for general information purposes only & does not replace clinical consultation with your own doctor/mental health professional.

Sources:

1. https://www.postpartumdepression.org/resources/statistics/